Tuesday, July 26, 2016

Requiem for a season

Sitting in dead last in both the league and cup, the Chairman hasn't been seen in weeks. It was assumed that he was off on his yacht not thinking about soccer until today, when he placed a phone call to his general manager and instructed him to drop his first round pick, Octavio Rivero, who left the league, and Oalex Anderson, who still needs time to mature, in exchange for two injured players, Kekuta Manneh (foot) and Darren Mattocks (hamstring).

Clearly, the Chairman is looking past being competitive in the remaining games this season and is looking forward to possible DP or retention player slots this season.

Sitting at a measly 2.2 goal per game average, nothing has gone right for the Spartans this year, with the exception of his deft pick of Ola Kamara in the late rounds of the draft. This was reminiscent of the BWP pick from the 2013 season, an unknown player at the time who went on to win the Golden Boot.

The clubs aging DP duo of Clint Dempsey and Graham Zusi have been largely ineffective this year, and it is unclear what the Chairman plans to do with them.

Transaction Announced

Add: Kekuta Manneh
Add: Darren Mattocks

Drop: Octavio Rivero
Drop: Oalex Anderson

Saturday, April 23, 2016

Lineup - Dempsey Captain



Friday, March 11, 2016

Friday, February 26, 2016

Draft Day Recap - Competition Edition

Inspired by Alamo City's manager, the Chairman today released his own impressions of the recently completed BSL draft.

"We scratched our heads when Jordan Morris was picked in the second round. Here's a 21 year old kid fighting for a roster spot on a team that played with a lone striker before they signed Obafemi Martins. Risky move. Also, Frank Lampard in the fourth round? He's not fit to play 15 minutes, and may never be again!"

When asked which players he just missed, the Chairman replied, "We had our eyes on Masato Kudo - its a crowded front line in Vancouver, but he has the quality to make it happen. We also wanted Cubo Torres, he's a natural goalscorer and once he's match fit we think he's good for 10+ goals."

When asked about late round steals, the Chairman responded, "Dillon Powers in the 8th round, wow, we were a bunch of idiots for not picking him up sooner. Remind me to fire someone in the front office. Dillon has the ability to control an entire match, and with an improved supporting cast and a training stint with Reading this offseason, the sky is the limit. We also really liked Will Johnson in the twelfth round. Thats going to turn out to be a great move if he can stay healthy. Justin Mapp in Round 13 is also worth a special mention. This guy flies up the wing, can dribble like Messi with the speed of Dane Richards and can cross like a priest in a whorehouse. Remind me to fire someone else!"

Draft Summary and start to 2016 Season!

New York, NY - This week the Spartan's rounded out their 15 man roster via the BSL draft. The Chairman, even after receiving the last draft pick, generally had a good draft.

Returning to the roster forces third consecutive season is Felipe, the versatile midfield playmaker. While not a significant impact to the scoresheet in 2015, the fans are looking for 5-6 assists and a couple of goals this year. Also returning from the 2014 season is goalkeeper Stephan Frei, one of the leading goalkeepers in the BSL last season. Returning from the 2013 season is Jeff Larentowicz. While he never got onto the scoresheet for the Spartans during the 2013 season, the fans are optimistic that he can make an impact in 2016.

New to the roster are Octavio Rivero, Ola Kamara, Michael Bradley, Jack McInerny, Blas Perez, Benoit Cheyrou, Laurent Ciman, Ricardo Clark and Nick Deleon. Statistically, this is the oldest squad that the Spartans have ever had, which also means it is the most experienced.  While certain players such as Cheyrou, Clark and Perez are likely in the twilight of their careers, the club is faithful that the quality of he squad will make up for the advancing years.

According to the Chairman, the other best looking drafts were those accomplished by Orange County Zodiac and Capital District Gunners. The Chairman said "frequently, my next pick was taken by one of those two clubs. They must have been spying on me!"

Sunday, February 14, 2016

First 2016 Transactions Announced

Today the Chairman released the clubs first personnel moves since its disastrous 2015 season. Out is Jermaine Jones, the US National team stalwart who disappointed in 2015 with zero goals, zero assists, and a six game suspension to start the 2016 season. The club faithful, who remember the Chairman's decision to sign Jones to a DP contract while releasing Bradley Wright-Phillips, rightfully blame the Chairman for the terrible decision making that led to an all-time worst regular season record along with a potentially fatal last place draft pick.

Returning are veterans Graham Zusi, the first player signed by the club upon its formation, and a regular on the scoresheet until a 2015 season plagued by injury, and Clint Dempsey, the clubs scoring leader for the past two seasons.

The club also announced that Diego Fagundez, the young dynamo, will be returning as the clubs choice for the retention player spot. Fagundez had a disappointing 2015, which led to his BSL release and subsequent signing by Spartans 1612, but, at age 21, its a fair bet that the players best years are ahead of him.

When asked why the Chairman forgot to announce lineups for so many games last year, he responded "Nothing went right last year," the Chairman said, "Look, I was drunk, most of the time. What do you want."